The rain had stopped by the time Jessie arrived, but the sky was still threatening. As soon as his carriage had appeared, I stepped out onto the balcony in my room.
My fiancé saw me standing there and whistled. I felt my neck and face growing red. I simply waved in his direction, before I disappeared out of sight.
Without saying a single word to my father, I allowed him to lead me down the isle to where Jessie Lafayette stood. Not many people had come to our wedding since most of my relatives and people that were my friends hated me. Jessie later had claimed that he did not have any relatives left, and his friends could not make it.
For the reason that Jessie had requested it, the ceremony was brief and there was no reception that followed. The words were said, the ring was slipped onto my finger, and he kissed me. Just to make my now husband happy, I moved my mouth with his.
It was dark when we went through the doors that he had threatened to kill me days before. John and Elizabeth were the happiest for us…for they had gone through the same thing we had only people did not know that they had killed her betrothed.
The four of us had a little party as it were, with dancing. My parents had said their goodbyes to me, and when I did not say anything to them, they went to bed for the night.
It was not until Jessie asked the question that I was in a happy mood. While we were dancing, he unexpectedly asked, “So, are you looking forward to our night together?”
“You know I do not love you right?” I asked him, trying to change the subject.
“You do not right now, but you will.”
“How can you be so sure of that?”
“For the reason that I am not William Castallono.”
“Do not get your hopes up,” I advised him.
“Do not get up yours up either,” he whispered.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Do not think that I will not want to be with you.”
How in the world did he know that I was hoping that he would not want to be with me so soon? Was it possible that I had said it aloud? No, I knew for a fact that I had not. I did not know what to think.
“Happy nineteenth birthday, Mrs. Lafayette,” Jessie said with an evil smile.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Another great chapter; short, but sweet and to the point. But they're getting married a day after they met? ...a little weird. But otherwise fantastic
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Here are a couple of changes you could make...
-sigh- Why can't the attachments be counted as a review? It would make my life so much easier. Haha. Kidding.
Anyway, this chapter was a little short and okay. It didn't really hold my attention much, so I guess I was a little glad it ended quickly. Not that your writing is bad or anything, so please don't think that's what I meant!
I hope to read chapter five tomorrow, but for now, the rest of my review is in the attachment below...blah, blah, blah. I think you get the point by now, eh?
Chapter five (god how many are there???)
lexy x
Hey Kayla. I really liked this. I only found:
LOL I hope to read more. Maybe you could post all that you've written so far? I don't think you've posted much of it. I could be wrong. Hope to read more and Happy Writing...and belated Easter!
It was dark when we went through the doors that he had threatened to kill me days before.
Shouldn't that be "Where he had threatened to kill me...?"
That really caught my attention.
And:
“You know I do not love you right?”
That should be:
“You know I do not love you(,) right?”
As for that, I thought it was good. You really should post the letter with that piece.
It really held my attention much like something I would write which means you know what you're doing!
I like eating Easter bunnies. LOL J/K I would never eat a wittle bunny!
I'm cracking myself up!
*skids to a stop*
I'M HERE, KAY KAY!
This section, for me, was so-so. If it's supposed to be some huge 'lookit lookit!' scene, you didn't really achieve that. Oh well.
I wish I had something helpful to say, but no...